i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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