We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
