Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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