yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
