Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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