so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
