I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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