jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
false alarm, still single
Randomize
