He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
