Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
