I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
People in love make me want to vomit
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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