A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
