Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
