i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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