It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
