I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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