She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
