The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
