please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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