she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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