community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
