She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet