Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.