Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy