just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
