That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?