Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.