I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.