Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
