she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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