i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
