Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
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i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
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Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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