I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
