I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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