Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
