after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
