you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
