i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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