Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
