He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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