If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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