I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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