I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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