I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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