The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
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I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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