But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
