Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
