Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
