I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
