How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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