I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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