No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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