will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
