If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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