well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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