If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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