I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
