The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
