I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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