He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
