somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
