As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
3 2 1 whiskey
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
