Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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