Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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