I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
